Rhodas Diary The Withered Arm by Thomas Hardy Essay Example For Students

Rhodas Diary The Withered Arm by Thomas Hardy Essay Entry 1: I dont really want Farmer Lodge to marry another woman, quite obviously. He is my sons father, and my son deserves better than not to have a father. I dont love Farmer Lodge, quite the opposite actually. I did love him once, but not anymore, he has done too much damage to my life. But his marrying has reawakened some of my previous feelings, and as much as I hate to admit, I am a bit jealous of her. I want to know why he chose her. Is she pretty? Tall? What colour hair does she have? What colour eyes? Is she clever? And what does she do for a living? I have heard she is very young, about nineteen some say. Maybe he married a younger woman to have more children. But I suppose if the case was that he wanted more children, then surely hed have married me. I dont know what to think anymore. People have been saying Id be upset by their marriage, but Im not. I only feel bitter towards Farmer Lodge for what he did to me. But I dont believe I should even feel that as he has given me a beautiful son. I sent my son earlier on to have a look at his new wife, he said she was very pretty. I think he was a bit taken by her, but thinking about it, he is at an age where he is taking more interest in women. I only wish he would take interest in girls his own age. However, he also told me that she was a lady complete, not much like a girl of her age. Her ways be quite a womans, he said, her hair is lightish, and her face as comely as a dolls. He also told me her eyes were blue and she has a red mouth and white teeth. Of course she looks better than I do. I asked him to go to the church the next day and tell me if she is tall, and if she has hands that have been worked, worn hands like mine. He came back and told me she was quite short, and her hands were covered with gloves. She seems to be a rich Farmers daughter. Well, Lodge wouldnt even think about marrying a pauper, I know that from experience. Entry 2: I had a dream only a few days ago. I saw a mad woman waving her hand in my face, showing me quite clearly her ringed finger. She was teasing me with her ring as if I were a cat and she a fly. I felt threatened, and she was coming closer. I was scared. She was laughing hysterically. I didnt know what to do. She was so close. I could feel the vibration of her laughter as I shielded my eyes from her. Suddenly, I felt angry. Without thinking I grabbed her arm and hurled her backwards into the wall. It was then that I realised who she was. Gertrude Lodge. I awoke drenched in cold sweat as the clock struck two. Panicking I looked around. I saw no one. I got up and had a look outside on the hill. Nobody was there. I went back to bed. It was just a dream, a nightmare; they come and go all the time. Id have seen Gertrude if she really did come to my home; after all, nobody can disappear over a hill that steep so quickly. Some time later, Gertrude came to our house. She was exactly as my son had described her. She had bought some new boots for him, as if I dont do enough for him. I was thinking about my dream when he was trying on his boots. The boy had said hed heard a noise from my bed that night, but had just ignored it as he thought Id fallen out of my bed. However, this Gertrude was a civilised, kind, caring person, not mentioning considerate. She didnt seem to have the resentment and mad gleam in her eye. As she departed, I said to her, I hope you will find this air will agree with you, maam, and not suffer from the damp water meads. Though now you remind me, she replied, I have one little ailment, which puzzles me. It is nothing serious, but I cannot make it out. And she uncovered her wound. I stared aghast. I didnt know what to say. I didnt have anything to say. It was then that I felt the first twinges of realisation that maybe the gossip was true. Maybe I was witch. I had laughed off the thought, but I was jealous of Gertrude. How did it happen? I said almost inaudibly after Id recovered from the shock. She couldnt tell how it happened, she didnt seem too concerned about it, and thought it would go away in a few weeks. She playfully blamed it on her husband. Then she told me on which night it came, A fortnight ago on the morrow, she said, when I awoke I could not remember where I was till the clock striking two reminded me. I thought then, and it couldnt be coincidence because in the dream I remember feeling her arm when I grabbed it. I feel so guilty. Maybe I have magical powers that I use against my will. How else could she have been struck? It was against my will to hurt her in any way, and Gertrude is such a nice, kind person; I dont want her to find out about what Ive done to her arm. I do so truly and sincerely hope that it will soon heal. Such an innocent, perfect girl, and Ive spoiled her appearance. A level media studies book EssayI dont believe their marriage is going too well and Gertrude apparently hasnt been able to have any children, that was probably why he was pleased to see me, and why he was so eager for my son to win his trial. I have just been to the trial. I wasnt much of a trial. The lawyer defended his case, and in the end there were many people cheering for him. Many people know my son is innocent. But in the end it was the judges decision to execute my son. How dare he play the role of god and decide whether or not a man should die! I am absolutely distraught and totally drained. We havent a hope in the world. Whos going to help us now? Its too late. I think they know hes innocent, but there have been so many suspicious arson attacks in the area that the judge wanted to show the consequences so people get scared to do such things. But I dont think they will understand. I went to see the executor with Mr Lodge, and he said that wed be able to have the body for burial and to come and take it straight after the execution. He also said that they always waited for the morning post in case there is a reprieve of the execution. I do hope very much that there is a reprieve, I cannot bear to see my very own son die, hes the only friend and family Ive got. He is so frightened about the execution. I think he is trying to be brave, however, last night, he was crying and he asked me how I was going to cope without him. I couldnt answer him that. He told me he wished hed never been there at the time of the arson attack, he was only curious to see what was going on. The execution has taken place and I wish not to talk about it. As we went to see his dead body, I saw a women put her arm on my sons neck. At first, I was shocked; horrified by anybody who would want to do such a thing. Then I saw who it was and a huge wave of anger rushed through my body like ice. I stared for a moment, speechless. Then I think farmer lodge realised who it was and called, Damn you! I couldnt control my rage then and suddenly I saw the Gertrude I had seen so many years ago in that dream. I, once again, took her arm and slammed her into the wall with all my might. I was extremely upset. I had my eyes closed and I was weeping. I heard nothing, so I look up and saw that she lying unconscious on the cold stone floor. Within a few days, I heard that Gertrude had died. She had been trying to turn her blood, but it had turned too far. Maybe she was also a witch; she might have cursed the judge into convicting my son guilty. I dont feel anything knowing she is dead. Im not happy because in the end she turned out to be a horrible person. But nor am I sad because she was once a good friend. I have now had enough pain and anguish to last me a lifetime. I dont think my situation can get any worse. Farmer Lodge is leaving Holmstoke and has sold all his property. He sent a message for me to go and live in my old home in Holmstoke. I will be working at the same old dairy where I suppose I will work for the rest of my life. I have heard rumours that Farmer Lodge has died of a heart attack. I dont believe such a thing he was only forty-six. He probably took some drugs. I dont feel upset about his death, but Im not happy about it because he turned out to be a good person in the end and even after everything he did to me, I still forgive him. But I will never be able to forget what he did to me. It will always be there at the back of my mind. Unlike me, Farmer Lodge got nothing out of life, he had a wife, but love only lasted a few months. He had a son who he didnt want, but he never got a son that he wanted who could inherit his fortune. I had a beautiful son to look after, he was the only thing that kept me going, but now I have nothing. I miss my son so terribly, but there is nothing, absolutely nothing I can do to bring him back. Not a moment goes by where I dont think of my son and what he could have been. I often think of what my life would have been like if I hadnt been pregnant. Would Farmer Lodge have married me? Maybe, maybe not, nobody will ever know. I dont know what Im going to do now with my life. I suppose it will revolve around home and work, but I will never be able to improve my life. It will always stay the same, and each day will be the same as the last, nothing will get better, nothing will change.